the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
