we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
