Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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