and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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