Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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