Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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