That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
