how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
