I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
