I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
