My sheets look like a crime scene.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
