His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
