I smell stomach acid.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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