oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
