I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
