they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
