I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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