he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
