He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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