I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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