Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
