Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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