Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
