I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
