we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
