More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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