Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Someone shattered a urinal.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
