hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
