made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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