All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
