So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
