I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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