YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
