I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
