I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
