so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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