My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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