I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
