We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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