and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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