is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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