So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
