Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
