yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
