how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
