you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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