Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
