But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Semen is not good for contacts.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
