Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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