It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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