just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
