Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
