If that was your dad, he is hot
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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