on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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